Of resolutions...

I should be shot!

I did it again. I've hurt someone I love and care very much about. Why I still walk this Earth is a mystery. I should have ceased to exist a long time ago. At least the people around me would be better off.

I thought I at least had a shred of sensitivity to understand people. Or at least friends as close as this. Apparently I didn't and ended up putting her through so much pain. When will I ever learn? I need to know how not to let my problems spill over to other's lives.

The only consolation is we resolved some of it. So at least we are starting to get back on track. I don't want to lose the friend I have in her. So why do I hurt the people I love the most? Why can't I keep them close, love them and protect them instead? Why do I reopen old wounds? Why is that I don't have the common sense to know good from bad, what ought to be done from what not to be done, what I should feel from what I shouldn't?

Perhaps I demanded too much from myself in expecting myself to be able to control my feelings. Perhaps she is right. She usually is about most things. I'm a emotional wreck, with no control whatsoever of what goes on in me. Who do I turn to?

God, give me strength. Give me wisdom.